Pregnancy Loss: My Story Breaking the silence

Before I begin this post I just want to be completely honest and transparent with all of my readers. Please don’t feel sorry for me or for us, we have the power of God’s LOVE who has given us the power to overcome with faith and hope.

I have decided to move forward and I’m going to be okay, I really believe that. I just wanted to express myself and it’s through my writing.

Most people didn’t expect me to come out and share the sad news of my pregnancy loss, especially on social media of all places. With so many people announcing their great news while others who lose their opportunity grieve in silence.

I think it’s great that people share their happiness with the world however you never really hear the sad news. The news that a couple who had been trying for a child loses their pregnancy and the husband is deployed 6,000 miles away.

Let’s go back to the day that doctor saw the baby but didn’t hear the heartbeat. The day I found out that my pregnancy ended in miscarriage was hard, I was scared, sad and just didn’t understand.

Usually 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. This happened to me before, a year before I had my son, my rainbow baby. Although my heart was excited to finally announce my pregnancy my mind knew something wasn’t right that morning.

My nerves were all over the place and I couldn’t shake this feeling that something wasn’t right. A week before I had my ultrasound appointment, there was a day when I felt complete sadness, I didn’t know why. My body had already started the grieving process of the loss of the pregnancy.

I decided to share my story this time around because I’ve been down this road before years ago. That time in my life was dark and I suffered alone. Many times women don’t share that they loss a child( miscarriage)because they’re either scared, ashamed or hurt by the pain of loss. Did you know 1 of 4 pregnancy will end is miscarriage? I am the 1 in 4 ,twice now.

To be able to carry a child is a complete miracle that so many women take advantage of. Breaks my heart when I see so many women complain about being pregnant especially when I would give anything just to have my pregnancy again and make it to the very end.

I ended up having emergency surgery the very next day and I was in good spirits. I was ready to say goodbye to this very short chapter in my story.

I was completely shocked of all the women who reached out to me privately to let me know that they experienced loss too. From women who loss early on their pregnancy to having stillborns. So many women suffer in silence.

I’m not sure why this has happened to me again, but I will not be ashamed to keep it in and have sadness in my heart.

Sometimes God will lead us down a different path to show us what exactly we need.

I know one day I will get to see my babies again that I have loss. I just don’t want to stay in a mind of frame of grieving , so I’ve chosen to be strong and move on. This pregnancy just didn’t line up with the plans God has for me at this moment. I’m not going to question God and ask why. The lord never says no, sometimes his yes is not right now. God says he will give us the desires of our hearts if we believe and I really trust what he says.

(Some of images used are not mine, I do not own the rights, images courtesy of google)

Just know I was in a place of sadness,however, I’m not in that place anymore. I have grieved the loss of my child and have moved on. Doesn’t mean I will forget the loss of my precious baby, it just means god has healed my heart. I have chosen to move on. Of course I have my days where I’m sad but it’s okay, I’m human. Please don’t feel sorry for me. Prayers are the best thing anyone could ever do for me.

Thanks again to my great support system for loving me through the difficult time of my life. If you’re a woman who gets a chance to make it to the end of your pregnancy without any complications just complaints. Remember someone would give anything to be in your shoes. Count your blessings.

Thanks for reading!!!

The reality Is: Another Deployment Is Here!

(I do NOT own this photo, courtesy of google images all rights reserved)

As my heart prepares for yet another deployment, my mind isn’t quite really grasping my husband is really leaving again.

To be quite honest I’m going to miss my husband more than anything.

So many people will never really never know what it’s like to go through a separation for a long period of time. What makes the separation hard for me is that my husband is truly my best friend and helps me so much. There aren’t many husbands who play a big role in their family, but my husband is one of the major key players.

My amazing husband has a job to do with the military and I totally understand that, that’s why my entire family is proud of him.

Being a military spouse you have to understand that your wife or husband has to make true sacrifices such as time away from you. As a wife and mother I am prepared and more than ready to take on all the responsibilities of both my husband and self. Thanking God for building our faith, and our relationship closer. I know for a fact that Jesus has my back, knowing that is bigger than anything I could ever imagine.

Yes -I’m prepared to cry, yes-I’m prepared to have my moments of insanity, but I’m also prepared to make this deployment better than all the other previous ones. I’m prepared to be the woman, wife and mother I always have been, phenomenal!

As a mother, my heart is not ready for when Jaxon ask where his daddy is. I pray that I will be able to comfort him and keep him so busy that the time will just pass. I haven’t really blogged or vlogged lately, however, I plan to make a come back after my mini sabbatical. Not sure when it will end, but I need to be inspired to write or do my YouTube thing.

Thanks to everyone being patient and understanding. If you can’t check on us the best thing to do is pray for our family. Mentioning us in your prayers is one of the greatest blessings. Thanks for reading and always supporting.

Give God A Chance, A REAL Chance

Give God a chance

I love to write when I’m inspired by things that I’ve personally experienced to help encourage someone who can relate to me on some level.

Any chance that I get to talk about God’s hand over my life and how real he is – I will.

There’s nothing fake about how much Jesus has changed me and has blessed my life. The same blessing I have through Christ, you can have it to, but first you have to give God a chance. Give God a real chance to fulfill his purpose over your life. Anyone reading this, has a real purpose.

There may be someone reading this right now who may be having the toughest battle with life, people and relationships; the lord told me to tell you to give all your problems to him. God loves you and will see you through whatever your situation is, just give him a chance.

So many times people do not have patience and want The Lord to be a right now God; everything is about give me, give me and more give me. People forget that some of the best unanswered prayers are the best ones, for our protection or even blessings.

When life doesn’t always go the way we plan as a people, we can give up on God without ever really giving God a chance to fix our circumstances.

This Generation is so quick to tell others that there is no God and make others question his existence. Usually those people didn’t give God a real chance. Just ask yourself have you really given God a real chance?

My constant testimony is on how God changed me , it is what confirms my belief that Jesus is who he says he his. Let God take your heart and your pain. Sometimes God has to really break us to get our attention.

The more my walk and faith grows with God, the more I trust him. This didn’t happen overnight for me, let’s be honest. I was one of those people who believed in Jesus, however, I didn’t ever really give him a chance. My relationship was very lukewarm, always putting God on the back burner. Then one day I gave everything to him and I just wept. There I was going through some of the most challenging times and not relying on God to see me through.

One of my favorite scriptures in the entire bible is

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I could cry thinking how God knows every situation and every battle; that God loves you so much to conqueror it all if you let him.

To the person who may need this, you aren’t alone, give God a real chance and watch him change your life. God is love.(all images used are courtesy of google, I do not own the rights)

Thanks for reading

-Mia

Life Updates (2/20/18): Answering your questions!

Life updates and a few changes

Many of you have wondered where I have been? It’s been a hot minute since my last blog post. Please forgive me, so much has been going on.

Let me first address the questions I constantly get asked.

Why did I return to making videos on YouTube?

Initially when I decided to stop making YOUTUBE videos, it was because I had a lot of people following me on there that were just nosey folks or ex associates that didn’t care to communicate in real life;basically stalked my every move online.. It was really bad. But I have made a choice to start again and won’t let anyone stop me for doing what I love. Plus YOUTUBE is my creative outlet to just be free and do what I want.

I also felt at that previous time that the content I was putting out wasn’t authentic and just wanted to stop all together. It was a good break and gave me an opportunity to start over and fresh. Fast forward to now; I’m doing what I love and most people don’t know I’ve started over. I’ve had a few people comment on how much they can relate to me. Now my videos focus on what I love like my family, my relationship with God, food, college and my home.

I wanted to capture moments to look back at, I’ll discuss that further down. I know I have several readers across the world and if you want to see more of a glimpse of my life check out my channel Mia Joy!

What about school? How is college? Are you still applying for the dental hygiene program?

School is very time consuming, I spend hours studying and doing homework. College is a lot for me to handle right now, but I’m managing just fine. Yes, I plan to apply to the dental hygiene program next year or the year after depending on my grades.

Is your husband is deploying again? For how long and where?

For OPSEC reasons I can not disclose any information for the protection and privacy of my husband and family. Yes, my husband will be deploying. Can’t share any more details:)

How is your mom? Is your mom still living with you?

My mom is good, yes she is still living with us temporarily.

Another baby soon or are you guys trying ?

We have come to the conclusion we would like another child, however, we are patiently waiting with God’s timing. Hope that answers,lol.

Any updates on Jaxon Speech therapy and diagnosis? We are on a wait list to see a developmental pediatrician specialist, the wait list is 4 to 6 months. While we wait for a diagnosis, my son will continue Speech therapy.

I hope that answers a few of everyone’s questions. I promise once everything settles down for me I’ll be back to blogging regularly. Don’t forget to check out my YouTube and subscribe.

Here’s a link:

Xo Mia

Taking Care Of My Mother; My profound experience

In my English class we had to write a paper about a profound experience that changed our lives forever. I have had many moments that changed me, for example, the day I got married and the day my son was born. I wanted to write about one of those moments but my English professor asked us to really search deep, choose an experience we haven’t shared and write about it.

So I did just that, I never shared what happened with my mother and finally opened up through my writing.

Without giving too many details or sharing my mother’s testimony because it’s not my story to completely tell; my mother was suppose die 4 years ago. With all the complications from surgery, losing her leg, having a mini stroke and being in a coma; my mother wasn’t suppose to make it.

The doctors told us to say our final goodbyes because my mother wasn’t going to make it through the night.

I’ll never forget that profound moment because it happened on my twenty fifth birthday.

My mother survived but she hasn’t been the same ever since.

Recently my husband and I made the decision to become my mothers full time caregivers. Being a caregiver is a twenty four hour job and commitment.

In my heart, I knew no one else could take care of my mommy like I could. Late nights and early mornings of being the care that she needs; we do everything with love and compassion for her.

The lord tells us to honor thy mother and father. I don’t have my biological dad in my life and my mom has always been the number one lady to me. It’s only right that I be here for her like she was there for me.

Although my sister and I do majority of everything for our mother, we wouldn’t change a thing. (My sister is amazing by the way, I have a future post about her soon.)

My mother is simply AMAZING, strong and the toughest woman I know. My family and I will continue to fight for her, love her and provide the best care.

I don’t know why things happened the way that they did, but I do know God gave my mom me and chose me to step in to be one of her biggest advocates.

I have learned patience, to have a humble heart, to not take simple things for granted and to love my mother more while I still have her.

My faith in God has become stronger because I need him for strength and guidance. I honestly don’t think I could do this without God, my sister and my partner aka awesome husband. The sacrifices we each make doesn’t always get recognized or even rewarded. Having my support system has been great.

As a matter of fact, I got an B on my English paper.

I don’t know what the future holds but I do know my family loves my mommy. I really believe in my heart she’s going to better than she ever was.

It is my prayer that if I ever need my son Jaxon that he will be there for me. My son watches me, and listens to how I deal with being a caregiver so that’s why we are teaching him now to always have empathy, compassion and most important love.

Thanks for reading.

What is FRIENDSHIP?

Everyone you meet isn’t your friend
Over many years of my life I’ve learned everyone you meet isn’t your friend and you can’t force positive vibes; either the good vibes are there or not.

Friendships shouldn’t have envious behavior, jealousy or be stress in your life.

Your time is precious 
One of the most precious things you can give people is your time. Have you ever had a friendship and/or a relationship that ended and think about all time and energy you wasted? That’s why it’s important on who you give your time to, who you decide to invest yourself in.

I love the friendships that are organic and you don’t have to force it.

Let’s be honest about online friendships 

One of the things I love most about social media is how many friends you get to make across the world that you would have never known before social media .I find a lot of fascinating, beautiful ,crafty, like minded people and think , “wow we would be great friends in real life”; and why don’t you live closer to me to hang out? Many people feel the same way about me.

I’ve met some incredible people online and have made life long friendships. 
Let’s be honest for a moment and real because stuff happens when you meet internet friends; I’ve also met some people who aren’t exactly who they portray themselves online, total opposite . I honestly get disappointed when I meet people and they aren’t like anything I imagined. The vibes are off and immediately I know that the friendship is not going anywhere. 

Revenge Friendships 

Don’t expect people to be friends with you and your enemies. The thing I hate most in this world, is when your “friend”(I say friend loosely) wants to be friends with you and a person you don’t care for/dislike. There obviously is no loyalty in that friend. I know from personal experience that once I’m not dealing with certain individuals aka “friends”, I always found out where my other “friends” loyalty was. The invites became less and the communication would eventually die. But hey, it was better that way of knowing what type of people I was dealing with.

I ’ve had enemies whose sole purpose was to get back at me and to be friends with my friends because I stopped being friends with them.

Have you ever thought, your enemies wouldn’t even know your friend if it wasn’t for you?

 Just know that anyone who breaks bread with your enemies is not YOUR friend. 
I keep thinking about how Judas betrayed Jesus. Judas hung around Jesus, knew all the ins and outs, had access to some of the most crucial information and still betrayed Jesus. Judas said he loved Jesus and plotted against the very person he claimed to adore. Sometimes it’s better to have no friends than a bunch of fake ones. 

One sides friendships

I dislike when friendships are one sided, you put out all the work and effort while the other person is lacking in all the departments. It’s true once you become an adult that you have other priorities first before entertaining others, your friendships can lack that stabilization or be put on the back burner. I’m so thankful for the friends who know I fall short sometimes but honestly know I’m there if they need me. I’m not talking about that, I’m speaking about when you have friends who don’t put fourth any effort. They never call or text you and expect you to do all the work.

I can always count on you friendships

I have about 2 people in my life besides my husband and sister I know that I can call them anytime no matter what time of day it is and they would listen. I have those same people I can talk to on the phone about absolutely nothing and know I wouldn’t be judged for being me. Being authentic to yourself is being authentic to others. Friendships where you have to pretend to be something you’re not is stressful and unnecessary.

 Anything that cost you your peace is way too expensive.

 
I love the friendships where you don’t have to compete with one another. I’ve learned from the past that someone can hang with you and secretly hate you, envy you and be jealous for no reason. That friendship wasn’t authentic and that’s why it ended badly. It’s hard having a friendship with someone who wants to be you.  People are crazy, it’s always best to cut those friendships off if it gets toxic. I’m that person who will cut you off with no explanation if you’re toxic to me.
Some of the best creations in the entire world are the block button and delete account button.

Friends forever
I don’t have many friends now and I’m 28. There was a time when I was the life of the party, I would go out for drinks, be wild and EVERYONE was my friend. When I started to find myself I began to lose“friends” that no longer was interested in the person I was becoming.

Let’s face it, as you grow up you have to leave some people behind. I’ve mentioned in a previous post before, that not everyone is going to be part of every chapter of life. Most times people are just lessons and teach us something or we teach them.
Now the people I’m still friends with, who have seen me at my worst and at my best, those are the friendships I value.. 

It’s better to have 1 good friend than a handful of fake, bitter, envious and negative vibes friends. 

The time you give to people can NEVER BE GIVEN BACK.

In the end I always say be the friend that you need or want. Be kind, be there when needed, love unconditionally, and pray for your friends

A friend that prays 
The best type of friend to have and the best friend to be is the praying friend. My faith has been getting stronger and stronger; I know that my help and strength comes from God. A person who prays for you, prays with you and walks with God is a friend to have. Prayer moves mountains and strengthens faith with God. Most times you’re believing for God to do a miraculous thing. When you can say a prayer for me, I know that you love me. And when I say a prayer for you, know that I love you.

Pray for your friends and your enemies. 


(Image courtesy of google, I do not own the rights or image)
Thanks so much for reading!