Pregnancy Loss: My Story Breaking the silence

Before I begin this post I just want to be completely honest and transparent with all of my readers. Please don’t feel sorry for me or for us, we have the power of God’s LOVE who has given us the power to overcome with faith and hope.

I have decided to move forward and I’m going to be okay, I really believe that. I just wanted to express myself and it’s through my writing.

Most people didn’t expect me to come out and share the sad news of my pregnancy loss, especially on social media of all places. With so many people announcing their great news while others who lose their opportunity grieve in silence.

I think it’s great that people share their happiness with the world however you never really hear the sad news. The news that a couple who had been trying for a child loses their pregnancy and the husband is deployed 6,000 miles away.

Let’s go back to the day that doctor saw the baby but didn’t hear the heartbeat. The day I found out that my pregnancy ended in miscarriage was hard, I was scared, sad and just didn’t understand.

Usually 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. This happened to me before, a year before I had my son, my rainbow baby. Although my heart was excited to finally announce my pregnancy my mind knew something wasn’t right that morning.

My nerves were all over the place and I couldn’t shake this feeling that something wasn’t right. A week before I had my ultrasound appointment, there was a day when I felt complete sadness, I didn’t know why. My body had already started the grieving process of the loss of the pregnancy.

I decided to share my story this time around because I’ve been down this road before years ago. That time in my life was dark and I suffered alone. Many times women don’t share that they loss a child( miscarriage)because they’re either scared, ashamed or hurt by the pain of loss. Did you know 1 of 4 pregnancy will end is miscarriage? I am the 1 in 4 ,twice now.

To be able to carry a child is a complete miracle that so many women take advantage of. Breaks my heart when I see so many women complain about being pregnant especially when I would give anything just to have my pregnancy again and make it to the very end.

I ended up having emergency surgery the very next day and I was in good spirits. I was ready to say goodbye to this very short chapter in my story.

I was completely shocked of all the women who reached out to me privately to let me know that they experienced loss too. From women who loss early on their pregnancy to having stillborns. So many women suffer in silence.

I’m not sure why this has happened to me again, but I will not be ashamed to keep it in and have sadness in my heart.

Sometimes God will lead us down a different path to show us what exactly we need.

I know one day I will get to see my babies again that I have loss. I just don’t want to stay in a mind of frame of grieving , so I’ve chosen to be strong and move on. This pregnancy just didn’t line up with the plans God has for me at this moment. I’m not going to question God and ask why. The lord never says no, sometimes his yes is not right now. God says he will give us the desires of our hearts if we believe and I really trust what he says.

(Some of images used are not mine, I do not own the rights, images courtesy of google)

Just know I was in a place of sadness,however, I’m not in that place anymore. I have grieved the loss of my child and have moved on. Doesn’t mean I will forget the loss of my precious baby, it just means god has healed my heart. I have chosen to move on. Of course I have my days where I’m sad but it’s okay, I’m human. Please don’t feel sorry for me. Prayers are the best thing anyone could ever do for me.

Thanks again to my great support system for loving me through the difficult time of my life. If you’re a woman who gets a chance to make it to the end of your pregnancy without any complications just complaints. Remember someone would give anything to be in your shoes. Count your blessings.

Thanks for reading!!!

Life Updates (2/20/18): Answering your questions!

Life updates and a few changes

Many of you have wondered where I have been? It’s been a hot minute since my last blog post. Please forgive me, so much has been going on.

Let me first address the questions I constantly get asked.

Why did I return to making videos on YouTube?

Initially when I decided to stop making YOUTUBE videos, it was because I had a lot of people following me on there that were just nosey folks or ex associates that didn’t care to communicate in real life;basically stalked my every move online.. It was really bad. But I have made a choice to start again and won’t let anyone stop me for doing what I love. Plus YOUTUBE is my creative outlet to just be free and do what I want.

I also felt at that previous time that the content I was putting out wasn’t authentic and just wanted to stop all together. It was a good break and gave me an opportunity to start over and fresh. Fast forward to now; I’m doing what I love and most people don’t know I’ve started over. I’ve had a few people comment on how much they can relate to me. Now my videos focus on what I love like my family, my relationship with God, food, college and my home.

I wanted to capture moments to look back at, I’ll discuss that further down. I know I have several readers across the world and if you want to see more of a glimpse of my life check out my channel Mia Joy!

What about school? How is college? Are you still applying for the dental hygiene program?

School is very time consuming, I spend hours studying and doing homework. College is a lot for me to handle right now, but I’m managing just fine. Yes, I plan to apply to the dental hygiene program next year or the year after depending on my grades.

Is your husband is deploying again? For how long and where?

For OPSEC reasons I can not disclose any information for the protection and privacy of my husband and family. Yes, my husband will be deploying. Can’t share any more details:)

How is your mom? Is your mom still living with you?

My mom is good, yes she is still living with us temporarily.

Another baby soon or are you guys trying ?

We have come to the conclusion we would like another child, however, we are patiently waiting with God’s timing. Hope that answers,lol.

Any updates on Jaxon Speech therapy and diagnosis? We are on a wait list to see a developmental pediatrician specialist, the wait list is 4 to 6 months. While we wait for a diagnosis, my son will continue Speech therapy.

I hope that answers a few of everyone’s questions. I promise once everything settles down for me I’ll be back to blogging regularly. Don’t forget to check out my YouTube and subscribe.

Here’s a link:

Xo Mia

Protecting YOUR Marriage 

Protecting your marriage

 In a society where the divorce rate is so high at 50 percent, people who marry are likely to end in divorce. I’m no expert, but I definitely see a problem here. There are many factors and variables for divorce.

 I’m no way judging or being hypocritical. I just feel compelled to tell you, protect YOUR marriage.

Vows

One of the most special things I have is my marriage. It’s when I took important vows before God and the man I love. I said some important things to an important person. I didn’t say vows to my mom, to my dad or my sister and brothers.

I said vows to my best friend in the entire world. I gave my word to love through it all and he said the same thing, all sealed with a kiss.
The Bible says a man who finds a wife, finds a good thing.
 

Marriage is a lot of hard work. You’re constantly trying to please and do well by one another. Marriage is constant forgiveness of one another. 

Completely naked

Marriage is being completely naked with one another. Naked meaning bare, meaning your true self. Naked meaning being vulnerable and expecting the person you love to cherish your heart .

One of the BIGGEST problems I’ve seen, is when you let other people into your marriages. When you share problems to someone other than your spouse, you open your relationship to everyone. And no one has that right to have access to your private life.

That means every Tom,Dock, and Harry will have some opinion if you let them. Never allow your emotions to get so big that you try to embarrass or hurt your spouse. Remember not everything is for everyone, protect your marriage.
People who aren’t happy with themselves or life want to see you miserable. It’s so important that when you seek advice from anyone that you’re careful about who it’s from. Not everyone’s intentions are good. Make sure the advice you receive encourages you. If the advice you get sounds detrimental, close your ears. Always have discernment.

You’re a team

Always remember why the both of you fell inlove and remember you’re on the same team. In order to be a great team, you have to work together.

Being strong when the other is weak

Sometimes one of you may have to be the stronger person when the other is feeling weak. Never stop encouraging one another. The moments come, but you must never give up. Stand strong. Continue to grow together, not apart. When you grow together you will thrive better.

God can change the situation 

Even when I wasn’t close to God as I am now, I always would pray. Prayer is one of the BEST things to have in a marriage. Praying not for only yourself but for your spouse, and for your marriage. If you really love someone, pray for them. God can change any situation around or person.
Forgiveness is one of the greatest things in marriage. Marriages require perpetual (continuous)forgiveness.
 

Sometimes good things happen and sometimes bad things happen. Remember everyone, every relationship goes through things, through situations but everything is to build the bond stronger.

Don’t share everything

What makes marriage special is the memories you build, and the inside jokes. Don’t tell everyone all the things you share. It’s nice to have just something to yourself. That’s another thing I learned and it makes it special.

No marriages are the same

I’ve said this before, but don’t compare your love story to someone else’s love story. You don’t know what another couple has gone through to get where they are.

No perfect relationship 

I never want to sound like I have the “perfect” relationship or I’m better. Christ is my husband and I foundation. With a good foundation it’s hard to break. Many obstacles, situations, people and circumstances will try to crack the house( which is us) but because our foundation is strong, it cannot prevail. Christ is holding us up. Love,patience,forgiveness,communication,connection,effort,dedication,and commitment are the blocks of the house. 
Our love for Christ and one another is the stuff in between holding us together.

Remember no matter what you’re going through protect your marriage. Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is meant to glorify God.
 Marriage is valuable. Protect your love for one another.

Thanks for reading!

 See you all in the next post
Xo Mia😘

What if God is really real?

What if God is really real?
(Image courtesy of google images)
Today’s post is a little different and I decided to write it because the subject has been heavy on my heart lately. It has taken me weeks to write this and find the right words.

 Religion and faith can be a very difficult subject to talk about and many people can be closed off to the topic. My relationship with Jesus is different than religion. My bond(closeness) is different than just saying I’m Christian as a religion, my relationship is what I have with The Lord.

One thing I do ask of you, yes you reading this, please be open minded. Please open your heart and listen to my words. I’m here today to talk about my faith and why I have chosen to walk whole heartedly in my walk with Jesus Christ. I’m not here to convince you that my faith is better than what you may already believe in or not. 

But I’m here to give another perspective on what if God is really real? That the God I love so much, loves you just as much too. 

That there is freedom in believing and knowing that someone loves you so much, that he gave his one and only son to die on the cross for you and I . God loved us so much that he came in the flesh, in human form to experience life as you and I.

So many times you will hear people say that don’t believe in God, that you have to get what you want, or some believe in evolution of man or don’t believe anything at all. 
I can’t speak for everyone, but I can only speak for myself and tell you why my faith in God builds every single day. 
People who don’t know me and like to assume that they do. Personally I share a lot of my life on this blog.
People still won’t ever truly know me fully. Social media allows us to share with people only what we want them to see. I like to share all the positives in my life. But there is a story behind the woman you see before you today.

I have struggles and battles that are not displayed everyday. Although I am a follower of Christ, a wife and mother; I battle with anxiety and seasonal depression. I struggle with trying to be perfect and I fail at that daily. 

Being a believer in Jesus doesn’t mean that you’re perfect and having your life together. Most of the time the people who come to Christ do not have it all together. 
Sometimes you are at the lowest point in your life when you have no more options and are in need of something more. I compare it to being thirsty. 

Your life is so dry and once you experience the water of life, you’re no longer thirsty. Every since I gave myself to Christ whole heartedly, my anxiety is down and my depression seems that is has taken a backseat. I’m able to live my life with positivity and hope.
 
It took me years to realize that I couldn’t do life by myself. That the weight I was carrying, was a load I just didn’t want to have anymore. So many times I felt discouraged and lost hope. There is a scripture that speaks volumes to me. It says “for I know the plans I have for you says the lord, plans to give you hope and a future.”

 Honestly, everyone has some type of story that makes them who they are today. The spectrum ranges from abuse,drugs, bad parents, alcohol, sex, or even bad decisions. When people meet me a lot of times they think who is girl? I have this little voice and I look like I’m about 12. I have been told that I’m a very sweet person. Most people wouldn’t think I ever faced problems ever in my life based on just by looking at me. 

But behind this smile comes a heart that once felt sorrow and lots of pain. Behind this smile is a young woman who openly deals with anxiety and battles seasonal depression. I’ve been through a lot at my young age. I’ve seen things I shouldn’t have seen. Things I can’t unseen. I’ve been through many trials.
 When I think back at all those times , I know it was nothing but God who kept me. My heart was broken into little pieces and some how Jesus came into my heart and put it back together. Surrounded by emptiness the Lord has found a way to fill the emptiness. To fill that void.

God will allow certain situations, certain people, certain events to build us up. To make us strong. That’s why we all have a testimony. But my testimony is that God took someone like me, someone broken , shattered, guarded and made me whole. If God can clean me up, he can do it for you.

Even the non believers who don’t believe in God. Gods heart breaks to know you don’t believe, that you don’t have faith that you curse his holy name. There is so much POWER in the name of Jesus. 

All creation will have to answer to someone, some day. It may not be today, or tomorrow, but one day we have to answer to someone. Even if God isn’t real. Wouldn’t you rather know that you believed whole heartedly and had nothing to lose? Now what if God is real? What if you spent your whole life wasted? What if you never get another chance? 

The God I love and serve wants you to ask questions, wants you to know that you are loved, wants you to know that he has never left. Even the people who curse God, who hate God for their own selfish reason. My testimony tells me that God is real. My life and story proves God is real. No person can ever convince me other wise because of my life. I’m a living witness. I am proof that my God lives.
I’m the type of individual who likes to ask questions, if it doesn’t make sense you can’t convince me. If you tell me the sky is green and the grass is blue, I need concrete evidence. 

Now that brings up the question of how can you believe in a God that you can’t see? How can you trust a book that written over 2,000 years ago? Let’s start with question number one. Believing in God and not seeing him, that’s why it’s called faith believing in what’s not seen. Have you ever needed something and asking God for help? I notice that many people who say that they don’t believe in God will turn to him when something is needed. For example your family member might get sick, and you ask for prayers. Or I’ve heard people say” I swear to God”, or “God d*mn it”. They don’t believe, but still call on him. So what if God is really real? 

I never knew why people continually try to discredit Jesus. There is scientific evidence that Jesus was and is real and still people don’t believe.

 

I think what makes it hard for non believers to believe in God is by the way others live. So many times people say that they are christians but don’t live in such a way. Those are what I like to call Christian Posers. I want to live in such a way that it brings people to Christ not away. How can you believe in a book that was written over 2,000 years ago? I’m a risk taker. I rather believe in something that gives me hope and peace, than taking a risk in not believing.

 What if God is really real? What if he does come back and I wasted all this time trying to discredit faith. So many times people get caught up in religion, but it’s more of relationship.
 

You can be the perfect person, but if your heart isn’t for God or in the right place it doesn’t matter. I personally could write a book on everything I’ve been through in my 28 plus years on earth.

 When I look back at some of things that have happened, I know it was nothing but God who held me together. No one but God who stepped in. No one but God who never left. I tried doing this thing called life on my own and every time I did, I stepped away from what God had planned in my life. With trials come testimonies. With trials you build faith.

So to the person reading this, thank you for opening up your mind and heart to reading my post. I hope and pray that you can experience the love God has for you. Don’t wait until it’s too late, you may never get another chance. What if God is really real?
Xo Mia😘

Going Back 2 School

(Image courtesy of google image)

Believe it or not but I’ve been out of high school and college for 10 years. I graduated high school the Summer of 2007 and started my first year of college Fall of 2007. 

Many of you probably have heard the phrase ” College isn’t for everyone”. That was true in my case. Graduating high school and then attending college was a lot for me. I was also working a full time job and going to school full time.

 Eventually quitting community college and started going to a technical college for Dental assisting. Becoming a dental assistant was the best career move for me, before I finished the Dental program, I was hired full time by an orthodontist.

 I ended up working for the orthodontist 4 years before the doctor passed away. I worked an additional 3 years in the dental field before becoming a full time stay at home parent.

 It was always my intentions to eventually go back to school and finish what I started.

 The people that inspired me to go back to school is my family. My husband Jason is four classes away from his bachelors degree in computer science. My sister Shanae is working full time, a wife, a mother, a minister, a full time care taker and is working on finishing her degree. And my Scuzzy Shelly who has several degrees is back in school for her doctorate degree. Shelly is working full time, a mom, wife and a great God mother to Jaxon.

 I have so many inspirational people in my life who are getting or have degrees. I almost had no choice but to go for it. 

My biggest motivation for school is my two year old son Jaxon. I want to show Jaxon that anything is possible no matter what. That it’s never too late to become who you want to be. I know it’s going to take me more time to get my degree because I’m only taking 2 classes a semester starting off.

The most important person I’m doing this for is myself. 

I need to prove to myself that I can and will finish school. 

I have learned through the years that every person goes at their own pace in life. I will be taking my sweet precious time earning my degree and still being able to manage my family/home. In the time that we are living in, education is so important. Money isn’t everything, but to earn the highest amount there is, you need education and experience.
Honestly, I’m nervous about this new journey. My son Jaxon will be attending a Christian daycare/school part time. Jaxon will have the opportunity to be around other kids his age regularly and it will also help with his speech therapy. 

My husband will also be in school trying to finish these last classes for his bachelors degree. Our family will be busy, and organized. God really has big plans for us. 

It’s important for me to keep walking in my faith and trust that God really has everything in control. I still can’t believe that I’m enrolled in school, the classes are paid for and I have a schedule. If there are any moms or dads reading this and thinking about school, I definitely would encourage you to do it. 

 There is no greater time than the present time. Thank you all for reading and I will definitely update you all on my experience once I start.

The truth about transitioning;The fear of the unknown 

😱The fear of the unknown😳  

(Image courtesy of google images)

As many of you know my husband will be home relatively soon. And as we get closer and closer to the date of his return, it’s a certain anxiety I’m starting to have. If you read the title you guessed it, I have a little fear. I have a slight fear of change and letting go. Every military spouse experience this type of anxiety. It actually comes and goes in cycles because of this military life style. You experience your significant other being home, helping you, doing their share of duties. And then you experience the other side of your significant other being away/deployed/out to sea, and you’re doing things on your own. It never gets easier. 

Can I be honest with you all? We are friends right? Well, I am super excited for my husband to come home. I have missed being in his presence doing absolutely nothing, random date nights, family nights and doing all the things families do. But I also have anxiety of letting go. What do you mean by letting go? It has been over a year that I have been doing things on my own. Having a schedule, doing things a certain way and being the main parent making decisions. Although my husband is the head of our household, I have had to make executive decisions on his behalf. Some small decisions and some big decisions. I had to act as if he was here with me and trust I made good choices, especially if I couldn’t reach my husband. Now I have to prepare to turn back over that role to my husband. I’m excited to give that responsibility back,but I’m also nervous. I haven’t read any articles that talk about the real transitions that you have to go through as a military spouse.

 This is where my anxiety kicks in, how will we adjust to this? Is this transition going to be easy and smooth or is it going to hard and complicated? My husband and I have an understanding of the roles that we have in our marriage. And many things will be changing. I’m currently a homemaker and keep everything running smooth. My husband as I mentioned before is the head of the house hold, provider and keeps our family. A few more task will be added as far as I will be starting school and my husband will be in school as well. I’m not sure how I will do with school because I haven’t had to do class work in 10 years. I’m excited for this new chapter,but nervous on how I balance it with my homemaker role and also being a great mother and wife. 
I talked about my fear and anxiety. Guess what? I have to also consider my husband transition too. My husband is going to have to transition from living alone, complete silence, eating take out everyday to being home with us. It’s not so quiet at home because we have a 2 year old. My husband and I will have to share each other space. Plus I cook dinner most nights( that’s a plus, lol). 

The main thing will be reconnecting with another on all levels emotionally, and physically. I know I shouldn’t have anxiety or fear, but I know God will keep my family and our faith will keep us strong. We will have to lean on God to help us transition smoothly.

I hope this post helps at least one person. Just know you are NOT alone.

Thank you all so much for reading. I will see you in the next post. For more updates you can follow us on YouTube: SparklesandSippycups Tv. Here’s a link

Xo,

  Mia 😘