Pregnancy Loss: My Story Breaking the silence

Before I begin this post I just want to be completely honest and transparent with all of my readers. Please don’t feel sorry for me or for us, we have the power of God’s LOVE who has given us the power to overcome with faith and hope.

I have decided to move forward and I’m going to be okay, I really believe that. I just wanted to express myself and it’s through my writing.

Most people didn’t expect me to come out and share the sad news of my pregnancy loss, especially on social media of all places. With so many people announcing their great news while others who lose their opportunity grieve in silence.

I think it’s great that people share their happiness with the world however you never really hear the sad news. The news that a couple who had been trying for a child loses their pregnancy and the husband is deployed 6,000 miles away.

Let’s go back to the day that doctor saw the baby but didn’t hear the heartbeat. The day I found out that my pregnancy ended in miscarriage was hard, I was scared, sad and just didn’t understand.

Usually 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. This happened to me before, a year before I had my son, my rainbow baby. Although my heart was excited to finally announce my pregnancy my mind knew something wasn’t right that morning.

My nerves were all over the place and I couldn’t shake this feeling that something wasn’t right. A week before I had my ultrasound appointment, there was a day when I felt complete sadness, I didn’t know why. My body had already started the grieving process of the loss of the pregnancy.

I decided to share my story this time around because I’ve been down this road before years ago. That time in my life was dark and I suffered alone. Many times women don’t share that they loss a child( miscarriage)because they’re either scared, ashamed or hurt by the pain of loss. Did you know 1 of 4 pregnancy will end is miscarriage? I am the 1 in 4 ,twice now.

To be able to carry a child is a complete miracle that so many women take advantage of. Breaks my heart when I see so many women complain about being pregnant especially when I would give anything just to have my pregnancy again and make it to the very end.

I ended up having emergency surgery the very next day and I was in good spirits. I was ready to say goodbye to this very short chapter in my story.

I was completely shocked of all the women who reached out to me privately to let me know that they experienced loss too. From women who loss early on their pregnancy to having stillborns. So many women suffer in silence.

I’m not sure why this has happened to me again, but I will not be ashamed to keep it in and have sadness in my heart.

Sometimes God will lead us down a different path to show us what exactly we need.

I know one day I will get to see my babies again that I have loss. I just don’t want to stay in a mind of frame of grieving , so I’ve chosen to be strong and move on. This pregnancy just didn’t line up with the plans God has for me at this moment. I’m not going to question God and ask why. The lord never says no, sometimes his yes is not right now. God says he will give us the desires of our hearts if we believe and I really trust what he says.

(Some of images used are not mine, I do not own the rights, images courtesy of google)

Just know I was in a place of sadness,however, I’m not in that place anymore. I have grieved the loss of my child and have moved on. Doesn’t mean I will forget the loss of my precious baby, it just means god has healed my heart. I have chosen to move on. Of course I have my days where I’m sad but it’s okay, I’m human. Please don’t feel sorry for me. Prayers are the best thing anyone could ever do for me.

Thanks again to my great support system for loving me through the difficult time of my life. If you’re a woman who gets a chance to make it to the end of your pregnancy without any complications just complaints. Remember someone would give anything to be in your shoes. Count your blessings.

Thanks for reading!!!

Why doesn’t your child talk?

Why doesn’t your child talk?

One of the most common questions I get asked on a regular basis.

Can I be honest? It makes me a little upset and uneasy when people ask why my child doesn’t talk.

Only because I’m doing everything in my power to help my child. From reading books, explaining everything and making up songs.

My son Jaxon has been in speech therapy for almost a year. He went from not communicating at all to actually using his words. Just because my son isn’t using as many words as he should at this point it’s a red flag and we are working on correcting it the best way we know how.

Most 2 year olds are having full conversations with their parents but that’s not the case with my child.

I refuse to put labels on my son even though people try to.

As a parent I’m doing everything in my power to help my son but it’s taking more time and more patience.

I wish people wouldn’t be so judgmental and understand that it’s not easy being two years old; being two and not saying your name.

I know that Jaxon is extremely smart and he does have a sensory problem and is very particular about everything.

When Jaxon really wants something he will tell me.

As of now we will continue with speech therapy and we have to see a specialist soon to make sure it’s nothing more than just a speech delay and sensory issue.

My God has big plans for Jaxon according to his word. Plans to give Jaxon a hope and a future. I will continue to encourage my big boy. I know Jaxon will use his voice in the future to help those who don’t have one. One of the best things my husband and I could ever do for Jaxon is to love, encourage and have patience with him.

So the next time you want to ask me why my child doesn’t talk like your two year old or like other two year olds, just remember we are working on it.

Please be considerate because you just don’t know the situation.

Thanks for reading!

Taking Care Of My Mother; My profound experience

In my English class we had to write a paper about a profound experience that changed our lives forever. I have had many moments that changed me, for example, the day I got married and the day my son was born. I wanted to write about one of those moments but my English professor asked us to really search deep, choose an experience we haven’t shared and write about it.

So I did just that, I never shared what happened with my mother and finally opened up through my writing.

Without giving too many details or sharing my mother’s testimony because it’s not my story to completely tell; my mother was suppose die 4 years ago. With all the complications from surgery, losing her leg, having a mini stroke and being in a coma; my mother wasn’t suppose to make it.

The doctors told us to say our final goodbyes because my mother wasn’t going to make it through the night.

I’ll never forget that profound moment because it happened on my twenty fifth birthday.

My mother survived but she hasn’t been the same ever since.

Recently my husband and I made the decision to become my mothers full time caregivers. Being a caregiver is a twenty four hour job and commitment.

In my heart, I knew no one else could take care of my mommy like I could. Late nights and early mornings of being the care that she needs; we do everything with love and compassion for her.

The lord tells us to honor thy mother and father. I don’t have my biological dad in my life and my mom has always been the number one lady to me. It’s only right that I be here for her like she was there for me.

Although my sister and I do majority of everything for our mother, we wouldn’t change a thing. (My sister is amazing by the way, I have a future post about her soon.)

My mother is simply AMAZING, strong and the toughest woman I know. My family and I will continue to fight for her, love her and provide the best care.

I don’t know why things happened the way that they did, but I do know God gave my mom me and chose me to step in to be one of her biggest advocates.

I have learned patience, to have a humble heart, to not take simple things for granted and to love my mother more while I still have her.

My faith in God has become stronger because I need him for strength and guidance. I honestly don’t think I could do this without God, my sister and my partner aka awesome husband. The sacrifices we each make doesn’t always get recognized or even rewarded. Having my support system has been great.

As a matter of fact, I got an B on my English paper.

I don’t know what the future holds but I do know my family loves my mommy. I really believe in my heart she’s going to better than she ever was.

It is my prayer that if I ever need my son Jaxon that he will be there for me. My son watches me, and listens to how I deal with being a caregiver so that’s why we are teaching him now to always have empathy, compassion and most important love.

Thanks for reading.

Outgrowing People

(Image courtesy of Alex Stohen Photography)

People

The older I get, the more I realize that people change. I’m constantly changing and evolving(for the better).

Some people change for the better and some people stay the same. The people who change for the better have a different mind set of becoming better, they grow and mature. The people who stay the same, don’t ever change and stay stuck. 

Now that I’m getting closer to 30, I finally feel like I’ve grown up. 

Not because of age, but because my mindset is different. 

The real change in me took place the moment my son was born. The life I use to live was no more, no longer about me. My priorities changed, my life was no longer mine. The focus shifted from me to my tiny human. A child who I love more than myself. The biggest change is when I finally stopped running from God and gave him all of me. I’m all in for Jesus Christ and I’m not turning back, not this time. Nothing you could ever say or do could convince me that my life before Jesus was better.

Change
I never realize the more you walk in your purpose the more things change. The more you change. There is a reason why people come in and out your life. Every person is either a lesson or a blessing. Sometimes you have to learn how to become more than a conqueror. God is always preparing us to grow. The more I’m changing on the inside, the more I’m changing on the outside.

Outgrowing people means that sometimes you may have to stand alone. The crowds you use to hang with it are staying “stuck”. My pastor talked about how sometimes you can outgrow your own family too. Growing isn’t limited to only your friends.

Goals
I’ve learned that negative and unhappy people can drain a person. If that’s all you accompany yourself around, you’re stuck. You have to learn to speak life into yourself and situations. Life is about happiness. Taking care of yourself is important. Bettering yourself is important. Accomplishing self goals are important and most important, loving yourself. Loving yourself means walking away from anything or anyone that might hurt you. People will hurt you. Forgive them. You may never get an apology that you deserve , but don’t let unforgiveness sit on your heart. When you’re able to do this, that’s when you realize you have outgrown that old life.


Personal experience 
I know from personal experience that I don’t need certain individuals in my life that are constantly hurting me. Christ teaches us to love and forgive. I can love you from a distance,but that doesn’t mean I have to have you in my life destroying my feelings. God gives us discernment and we must use it. It protects us when we need it. We don’t have to be foolish and let people hurt us. You can distance yourself and move on.

Sometimes you outgrow people, and that’s alright. Don’t ever feel ashamed with growing.

Never let someone make you feel bad because you have grown and they’re stuck. Life is about progression and moving forward. I can love and support you from a distance.

My sisters motto is, ” I’m going to let you live your life, and let me live mine”. 

I love her motto so much, it’s true. 


Choose growth

(Image courtesy of google imaging)

The people who stay “stuck” , thinks the world owes them something. But no one owes you anything. Stuck or growing, the world is still moving. The world isn’t stopping for you. Choose growth. Choose happiness.

 You may lose a few friends or family along the way and it’s okay. Anyone who understands your journey will support you. Not everyone is meant to come along. Always remember the people cheering you on and the ones who are silent during your success.

If you’re reading this and you need some encouragement, just know everything will be alright. Outgrowing people doesn’t mean you don’t like or love someone anymore; it just means you are progressing and growing. 

Settling and being content only blocks your growth. Life is so much more.
Thank you for reading, see you in the next post!

Xo Mia 😘

Going Back 2 School

(Image courtesy of google image)

Believe it or not but I’ve been out of high school and college for 10 years. I graduated high school the Summer of 2007 and started my first year of college Fall of 2007. 

Many of you probably have heard the phrase ” College isn’t for everyone”. That was true in my case. Graduating high school and then attending college was a lot for me. I was also working a full time job and going to school full time.

 Eventually quitting community college and started going to a technical college for Dental assisting. Becoming a dental assistant was the best career move for me, before I finished the Dental program, I was hired full time by an orthodontist.

 I ended up working for the orthodontist 4 years before the doctor passed away. I worked an additional 3 years in the dental field before becoming a full time stay at home parent.

 It was always my intentions to eventually go back to school and finish what I started.

 The people that inspired me to go back to school is my family. My husband Jason is four classes away from his bachelors degree in computer science. My sister Shanae is working full time, a wife, a mother, a minister, a full time care taker and is working on finishing her degree. And my Scuzzy Shelly who has several degrees is back in school for her doctorate degree. Shelly is working full time, a mom, wife and a great God mother to Jaxon.

 I have so many inspirational people in my life who are getting or have degrees. I almost had no choice but to go for it. 

My biggest motivation for school is my two year old son Jaxon. I want to show Jaxon that anything is possible no matter what. That it’s never too late to become who you want to be. I know it’s going to take me more time to get my degree because I’m only taking 2 classes a semester starting off.

The most important person I’m doing this for is myself. 

I need to prove to myself that I can and will finish school. 

I have learned through the years that every person goes at their own pace in life. I will be taking my sweet precious time earning my degree and still being able to manage my family/home. In the time that we are living in, education is so important. Money isn’t everything, but to earn the highest amount there is, you need education and experience.
Honestly, I’m nervous about this new journey. My son Jaxon will be attending a Christian daycare/school part time. Jaxon will have the opportunity to be around other kids his age regularly and it will also help with his speech therapy. 

My husband will also be in school trying to finish these last classes for his bachelors degree. Our family will be busy, and organized. God really has big plans for us. 

It’s important for me to keep walking in my faith and trust that God really has everything in control. I still can’t believe that I’m enrolled in school, the classes are paid for and I have a schedule. If there are any moms or dads reading this and thinking about school, I definitely would encourage you to do it. 

 There is no greater time than the present time. Thank you all for reading and I will definitely update you all on my experience once I start.

🎄The most wonderful time of the year🎄

The last time I posted about Christmas, my mind frame wasn’t in the right place, Debbie Downer aka Negative Nancy. Before I was speaking out of frustration sounding like a complete Grinch.

 Christmas means more than presents,shopping, eating or holiday music. It’s about Jesus, family, love and making wonderful memories.

I decided to re-evaluate my mind and checked my attitude at the door. Because I had a major eye rolling attitude( figuratively speaking).

If you’re reading this and are a little confused, let me catch you up really quick.

Recently we found out that military decided to extend my husband deployment. Of course I was completely heartbroken and devastated. No one wants to hear that the one that they love is not coming home the time they were suppose to.

 I went on a little rant(totally understandable)of not wanting to put my tree up and how I was going to sulk in sadness and be the Grinch.

 I spoke my feelings too soon. I don’t regret feeling like the Grinch. But I do wish I remained positive. One positive thought can truly change your day and life.

 Now that’s all I’m giving, positivity.

 Sometimes God gives his strongest battles to the toughest people who he knows will over come. 

I honestly believe that this deployment is going to be the ultimate testimony of my faith and how I solely have had to rely on God. 

I have a 22 month old son who still needs to celebrate Christmas, needs a mother who is happy and he needs to know why we celebrate the holiday in the first place.

My husband works extremely hard so that we have an amazing life. That is why we must be grateful in all circumstances. Even though he’s not home, Jason is in our hearts and we carry him everywhere we go.

I’m excited that we put up our tree, decorated the stairs, front door, entry way table and are wearing Christmas themed jammies every night. 

I also have the “baking bug”. Making homemade cookies from scratch. Lord knows we don’t need anymore sweets. Trying to be in good spirits and build fantastic memories.

Recently Jaxon and I had a Christmas photoshoot with the amazing W.Styron photography. It was a lot of fun dressing up and capturing some precious moments. We were able to incooperate my husband even though I forgot the family photo at home. But we made it work.

Jaxon’s birthday is a few weeks after Christmas,we decided not to go ridiculous with spending money and getting tons of toys. Just enough to keep him happy.

I’m so excited for the holidays. Christmas is that one holiday where everyone is happy even if they don’t celebrate. Strangers hold doors open for you and the person you think looks mean, smiles for you.

This year I’m hosting my first annual Christmas Eve ugly sweater dinner for family . I’m making a few dishes and have already decided that I’m going to have the rest of the dishes catered. Super excited to start a new tradition in making great memories.

I’m very thankful for my family and friends who continue to love and support us.

The holidays are a joyous time and a constant reminder that family is what truly matters.

Thank you all for reading this post.

 If you haven’t already check out my YouTube page: SparklesandSippycupsTV!

 I’m posting videos everyday up until Christmas for Vlogmas 🎅🏽https://youtu.be/hHmKeb_dcZc🎄!

Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year😘xoxo Mia

((PLEASE DO NOT USE MY PICTURES WITHOUT PERMISSION))