Pregnancy Loss: My Story Breaking the silence

Before I begin this post I just want to be completely honest and transparent with all of my readers. Please don’t feel sorry for me or for us, we have the power of God’s LOVE who has given us the power to overcome with faith and hope.

I have decided to move forward and I’m going to be okay, I really believe that. I just wanted to express myself and it’s through my writing.

Most people didn’t expect me to come out and share the sad news of my pregnancy loss, especially on social media of all places. With so many people announcing their great news while others who lose their opportunity grieve in silence.

I think it’s great that people share their happiness with the world however you never really hear the sad news. The news that a couple who had been trying for a child loses their pregnancy and the husband is deployed 6,000 miles away.

Let’s go back to the day that doctor saw the baby but didn’t hear the heartbeat. The day I found out that my pregnancy ended in miscarriage was hard, I was scared, sad and just didn’t understand.

Usually 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. This happened to me before, a year before I had my son, my rainbow baby. Although my heart was excited to finally announce my pregnancy my mind knew something wasn’t right that morning.

My nerves were all over the place and I couldn’t shake this feeling that something wasn’t right. A week before I had my ultrasound appointment, there was a day when I felt complete sadness, I didn’t know why. My body had already started the grieving process of the loss of the pregnancy.

I decided to share my story this time around because I’ve been down this road before years ago. That time in my life was dark and I suffered alone. Many times women don’t share that they loss a child( miscarriage)because they’re either scared, ashamed or hurt by the pain of loss. Did you know 1 of 4 pregnancy will end is miscarriage? I am the 1 in 4 ,twice now.

To be able to carry a child is a complete miracle that so many women take advantage of. Breaks my heart when I see so many women complain about being pregnant especially when I would give anything just to have my pregnancy again and make it to the very end.

I ended up having emergency surgery the very next day and I was in good spirits. I was ready to say goodbye to this very short chapter in my story.

I was completely shocked of all the women who reached out to me privately to let me know that they experienced loss too. From women who loss early on their pregnancy to having stillborns. So many women suffer in silence.

I’m not sure why this has happened to me again, but I will not be ashamed to keep it in and have sadness in my heart.

Sometimes God will lead us down a different path to show us what exactly we need.

I know one day I will get to see my babies again that I have loss. I just don’t want to stay in a mind of frame of grieving , so I’ve chosen to be strong and move on. This pregnancy just didn’t line up with the plans God has for me at this moment. I’m not going to question God and ask why. The lord never says no, sometimes his yes is not right now. God says he will give us the desires of our hearts if we believe and I really trust what he says.

(Some of images used are not mine, I do not own the rights, images courtesy of google)

Just know I was in a place of sadness,however, I’m not in that place anymore. I have grieved the loss of my child and have moved on. Doesn’t mean I will forget the loss of my precious baby, it just means god has healed my heart. I have chosen to move on. Of course I have my days where I’m sad but it’s okay, I’m human. Please don’t feel sorry for me. Prayers are the best thing anyone could ever do for me.

Thanks again to my great support system for loving me through the difficult time of my life. If you’re a woman who gets a chance to make it to the end of your pregnancy without any complications just complaints. Remember someone would give anything to be in your shoes. Count your blessings.

Thanks for reading!!!

The reality Is: Another Deployment Is Here!

(I do NOT own this photo, courtesy of google images all rights reserved)

As my heart prepares for yet another deployment, my mind isn’t quite really grasping my husband is really leaving again.

To be quite honest I’m going to miss my husband more than anything.

So many people will never really never know what it’s like to go through a separation for a long period of time. What makes the separation hard for me is that my husband is truly my best friend and helps me so much. There aren’t many husbands who play a big role in their family, but my husband is one of the major key players.

My amazing husband has a job to do with the military and I totally understand that, that’s why my entire family is proud of him.

Being a military spouse you have to understand that your wife or husband has to make true sacrifices such as time away from you. As a wife and mother I am prepared and more than ready to take on all the responsibilities of both my husband and self. Thanking God for building our faith, and our relationship closer. I know for a fact that Jesus has my back, knowing that is bigger than anything I could ever imagine.

Yes -I’m prepared to cry, yes-I’m prepared to have my moments of insanity, but I’m also prepared to make this deployment better than all the other previous ones. I’m prepared to be the woman, wife and mother I always have been, phenomenal!

As a mother, my heart is not ready for when Jaxon ask where his daddy is. I pray that I will be able to comfort him and keep him so busy that the time will just pass. I haven’t really blogged or vlogged lately, however, I plan to make a come back after my mini sabbatical. Not sure when it will end, but I need to be inspired to write or do my YouTube thing.

Thanks to everyone being patient and understanding. If you can’t check on us the best thing to do is pray for our family. Mentioning us in your prayers is one of the greatest blessings. Thanks for reading and always supporting.

Life Updates (2/20/18): Answering your questions!

Life updates and a few changes

Many of you have wondered where I have been? It’s been a hot minute since my last blog post. Please forgive me, so much has been going on.

Let me first address the questions I constantly get asked.

Why did I return to making videos on YouTube?

Initially when I decided to stop making YOUTUBE videos, it was because I had a lot of people following me on there that were just nosey folks or ex associates that didn’t care to communicate in real life;basically stalked my every move online.. It was really bad. But I have made a choice to start again and won’t let anyone stop me for doing what I love. Plus YOUTUBE is my creative outlet to just be free and do what I want.

I also felt at that previous time that the content I was putting out wasn’t authentic and just wanted to stop all together. It was a good break and gave me an opportunity to start over and fresh. Fast forward to now; I’m doing what I love and most people don’t know I’ve started over. I’ve had a few people comment on how much they can relate to me. Now my videos focus on what I love like my family, my relationship with God, food, college and my home.

I wanted to capture moments to look back at, I’ll discuss that further down. I know I have several readers across the world and if you want to see more of a glimpse of my life check out my channel Mia Joy!

What about school? How is college? Are you still applying for the dental hygiene program?

School is very time consuming, I spend hours studying and doing homework. College is a lot for me to handle right now, but I’m managing just fine. Yes, I plan to apply to the dental hygiene program next year or the year after depending on my grades.

Is your husband is deploying again? For how long and where?

For OPSEC reasons I can not disclose any information for the protection and privacy of my husband and family. Yes, my husband will be deploying. Can’t share any more details:)

How is your mom? Is your mom still living with you?

My mom is good, yes she is still living with us temporarily.

Another baby soon or are you guys trying ?

We have come to the conclusion we would like another child, however, we are patiently waiting with God’s timing. Hope that answers,lol.

Any updates on Jaxon Speech therapy and diagnosis? We are on a wait list to see a developmental pediatrician specialist, the wait list is 4 to 6 months. While we wait for a diagnosis, my son will continue Speech therapy.

I hope that answers a few of everyone’s questions. I promise once everything settles down for me I’ll be back to blogging regularly. Don’t forget to check out my YouTube and subscribe.

Here’s a link:

Xo Mia

Taking Care Of My Mother; My profound experience

In my English class we had to write a paper about a profound experience that changed our lives forever. I have had many moments that changed me, for example, the day I got married and the day my son was born. I wanted to write about one of those moments but my English professor asked us to really search deep, choose an experience we haven’t shared and write about it.

So I did just that, I never shared what happened with my mother and finally opened up through my writing.

Without giving too many details or sharing my mother’s testimony because it’s not my story to completely tell; my mother was suppose die 4 years ago. With all the complications from surgery, losing her leg, having a mini stroke and being in a coma; my mother wasn’t suppose to make it.

The doctors told us to say our final goodbyes because my mother wasn’t going to make it through the night.

I’ll never forget that profound moment because it happened on my twenty fifth birthday.

My mother survived but she hasn’t been the same ever since.

Recently my husband and I made the decision to become my mothers full time caregivers. Being a caregiver is a twenty four hour job and commitment.

In my heart, I knew no one else could take care of my mommy like I could. Late nights and early mornings of being the care that she needs; we do everything with love and compassion for her.

The lord tells us to honor thy mother and father. I don’t have my biological dad in my life and my mom has always been the number one lady to me. It’s only right that I be here for her like she was there for me.

Although my sister and I do majority of everything for our mother, we wouldn’t change a thing. (My sister is amazing by the way, I have a future post about her soon.)

My mother is simply AMAZING, strong and the toughest woman I know. My family and I will continue to fight for her, love her and provide the best care.

I don’t know why things happened the way that they did, but I do know God gave my mom me and chose me to step in to be one of her biggest advocates.

I have learned patience, to have a humble heart, to not take simple things for granted and to love my mother more while I still have her.

My faith in God has become stronger because I need him for strength and guidance. I honestly don’t think I could do this without God, my sister and my partner aka awesome husband. The sacrifices we each make doesn’t always get recognized or even rewarded. Having my support system has been great.

As a matter of fact, I got an B on my English paper.

I don’t know what the future holds but I do know my family loves my mommy. I really believe in my heart she’s going to better than she ever was.

It is my prayer that if I ever need my son Jaxon that he will be there for me. My son watches me, and listens to how I deal with being a caregiver so that’s why we are teaching him now to always have empathy, compassion and most important love.

Thanks for reading.

The truth about ME being a SAHM

(Image google imaging)

Today I wanted to break a few common myths about stay at home moms. Many times people have this idea of what a SAHM does or doesn’t do. I felt compelled to tell my side of things. I can’t speak for every sahm or stay at home parent, only myself.
What works for my family may not necessarily work for yours.

We are lazy
That is far from the truth. Many times people think that all stay at home moms sit around all day eating bon-bons watching trash television. We don’t clean and just spend money. 

I know for me personally, I’m cleaning multiple times a day because I have a highly active toddler. I have to manage schedules, doctors appointments,therapy sessions, never ending laundry,our dog, pay bills, organize, teach my child, and play. The list is so long and never ending.

 I use to love nap time when my son took them. Nap time was a time for me to catch up on house work, or even take a minute for myself to relax. Now days my two year old skips naps and I never get a break. I have the highest respect for moms who work and have to still come home and do all the things I do. But at least they get a break , SAHM doesn’t, it’s a constant go-go field. We are with our children 24/7 if they’re not in school. Most sahm’s I know have multiple children or children that are under the age of 5.

We let ourselves go
I can’t speak for all sahm, but for me I know I can be rocking the bum look during the week. I don’t wear makeup or do my hair all fancy during the week. But I always make sure if we are going somewhere or if it’s the weekend to put more effort into my appearance. I always want my husband to be proud to have me on his arm and by his side. Sometimes if I’m motivated, one day out the week I’ll get fancy and send my husband a cute picture of myself. Those are my favorite, makes him excited to come home.
We are broke 
So many times people assume because you’re a stay at home parent you are broke. For some that might be true, but for my family that’s not true. Because I handle all our finances, I’m constantly budgeting and saving money. We live in our means and aren’t spending frivolously. My parents growing up taught me a value of a dollar and to know where our money goes. 

My husband controls me

That one always makes me laugh. So many people assume that because my husband is the bread winner he controls me. I always giggle at that one. I don’t know about other folks marriages; But my husband sees me as an equal. He may be the head of our household, but he never looks down on me because I’m not working outside the home. I do so much caring for our child and maintaining the house. 

*If your spouse makes you feel bad for not working then that’s a whole separate issue.

*My husband has never made me feel bad, ever.

I’m obligated to have a clean home and cook every day.
Now I will say I do try to make sure my house is at least picked up and have some sort of dinner plan going. My husband doesn’t expect me to have the house perfect every single day or dinner done by the time he’s in the door. It’s all about what he expects. Expectations versus perception. Folks perceive certain obligations because of their situations. As I stated before, what works for my family may not work for yours. My husband and I know our roles and we both perform them well. The last seven in a half years of marriage proves that.

You’re not contributing

 I may not be earning an income, but that doesn’t mean I’m not contributing. One of the main things I’m doing in my home is taking care of our son, teaching, and playing with him. I do so many things behind the scenes that doesn’t always gets noticed or applauds. Working is great but it’s not everything. Money is nice but it’s not everything. Time is so important, it’s something you never get back. I’m happy with my choice and you should be too. I love the life I have with no regrets. I wouldn’t change a thing.

Fun fact: Did you know I’m a supportive wife? I love to pray and intercede for my husband. I love to encourage him especially when life gets stressful. I’m more than just a wife. I’m THAT WIFE AND MOM!
I don’t have goals or dreams

Some people dream of being famous, being teachers or doctors. But people like myself dreamt of being a good SAHM and wife there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a great parent and spouse. As long as you’re doing the best at what you love. There is a quote that says “if you love what you do, you never have to work a day in your life”. I love being a mom, a great mom. This is something no one can take from me but God.

I didn’t give up my goals. I always wanted to finish college and get my degree. Guess who is my number one supporter? Yup, my husband.

I’m attending college in the Fall( read my previous blog post.)

PLEASE DON’T make us feel guilty for choosing to stay home.

Please don’t make stay at home moms feel guilty for staying home taking care of their family. We would never make you feel guilty for working and doing what you needed for your family. We all work hard for our families, we just do it in different ways.
Thanks for reading!

Xo Mia 😘

Going Back 2 School

(Image courtesy of google image)

Believe it or not but I’ve been out of high school and college for 10 years. I graduated high school the Summer of 2007 and started my first year of college Fall of 2007. 

Many of you probably have heard the phrase ” College isn’t for everyone”. That was true in my case. Graduating high school and then attending college was a lot for me. I was also working a full time job and going to school full time.

 Eventually quitting community college and started going to a technical college for Dental assisting. Becoming a dental assistant was the best career move for me, before I finished the Dental program, I was hired full time by an orthodontist.

 I ended up working for the orthodontist 4 years before the doctor passed away. I worked an additional 3 years in the dental field before becoming a full time stay at home parent.

 It was always my intentions to eventually go back to school and finish what I started.

 The people that inspired me to go back to school is my family. My husband Jason is four classes away from his bachelors degree in computer science. My sister Shanae is working full time, a wife, a mother, a minister, a full time care taker and is working on finishing her degree. And my Scuzzy Shelly who has several degrees is back in school for her doctorate degree. Shelly is working full time, a mom, wife and a great God mother to Jaxon.

 I have so many inspirational people in my life who are getting or have degrees. I almost had no choice but to go for it. 

My biggest motivation for school is my two year old son Jaxon. I want to show Jaxon that anything is possible no matter what. That it’s never too late to become who you want to be. I know it’s going to take me more time to get my degree because I’m only taking 2 classes a semester starting off.

The most important person I’m doing this for is myself. 

I need to prove to myself that I can and will finish school. 

I have learned through the years that every person goes at their own pace in life. I will be taking my sweet precious time earning my degree and still being able to manage my family/home. In the time that we are living in, education is so important. Money isn’t everything, but to earn the highest amount there is, you need education and experience.
Honestly, I’m nervous about this new journey. My son Jaxon will be attending a Christian daycare/school part time. Jaxon will have the opportunity to be around other kids his age regularly and it will also help with his speech therapy. 

My husband will also be in school trying to finish these last classes for his bachelors degree. Our family will be busy, and organized. God really has big plans for us. 

It’s important for me to keep walking in my faith and trust that God really has everything in control. I still can’t believe that I’m enrolled in school, the classes are paid for and I have a schedule. If there are any moms or dads reading this and thinking about school, I definitely would encourage you to do it. 

 There is no greater time than the present time. Thank you all for reading and I will definitely update you all on my experience once I start.