In honor of mental health day I wanted to share a little bit about my struggles.
I’m not ashamed to say that I suffer from anxiety, severe anxiety. I have always have dealt with it, just without help. But recently my anxiety has become so bad, self coping no longer worked. As a person who carries so much weight mentally, my body and my mind said it’s time for help.
Me being in college has intensified my anxiety and I feel like I just can’t fail. Have you ever studied so much that you forget all the information you just retained? I’m that person who forgets it all and panic. I tried relaxing but it doesn’t work.
If you suffer from anxiety you fear a lot of things and situations. I must admit now that my walk is stronger with Christ, I’m able to not fear as much. I’m asking God to help me deal with my issues and leaning on him to carry me through.
The Bible says God didn’t give us the spirit of fear, and usually fear is the trick of the enemy(the devil).
I hate that my anxiety has been so bad lately, I went to my primary doctor for some much needed help and intervention. My doctor who is an awesome woman, physician, military spouse is very amazing and actually cares.
It was very important to me to address my concerns and recent events that have led up to this point that made me break down inside.
Sometimes being strong for too long has its effects.
The mind is so fascinating that it never sleeps, even when your body sleeps. My mind is one that never knows when to turn the light off and rest. My brain is constantly thinking about every situation or how I could make something different.
I always knew I was different when it came to how I react to certain situations. Most times when I have to make a decision; I’m constantly wondering if I made the right one and if it’s going to be okay. Looking at all sides and realities of what’s going to happen by the decision that was made.
I love being a mother,wife and college student,but I also have other roles. If you don’t know me personally, allow me to fill you in on one of the BIGGEST roles and titles I carry; I’m one of my mother’s primary caretakers. Without going into much detail, being a caretaker is a challenging job. I’m not complaining but my anxiety has reached a point where my doctor said it’s time for meds.
“You have severe anxiety and we need to treat this now Mrs.Oliver”! My doctor did not want that route of placing me on meds, but my anxiety has a way of making me not sleep. My mind never shuts off and I’m constantly thinking about EVERYTHING. I saw this meme that someone google how tall was Jesus? It made me laugh because I’m that person who googles all night long.
I wish people understood that it’s hard being me, hard feeling like I don’t have enough time for anything or anyone. It’s true that it’s not enough time in the day to accomplish every single task.
I smile and I’m happy most days, I just worry too much. I know that with time it will get easier to manage my anxiety; I just wish people understood me more and not so quick to judge me.
The last several months, weeks and days have been a struggle for me personally.Next time when you think I might be avoiding you or keeping my distance, just know it’s not on purpose. I’m learning to to take care of me for once.
Mental health is nothing to be ashamed of, it’s okay seeking professional help. I’m still debating if I will see some kind of therapist to help me cope with my load. I have such an amazing support system that it’s almost like my family are my therapist.
As of right now I’m confident that with help from my doctor my diagnosis will be treated effectively. I will give an update in a few months. Thanks for reading!!! Feel free to ask me questions as well.